


I feel so

by catspajama_llamas



Category: Free!
Genre: Abstract, Childhood, Drabbles, Falling In Love, Fate, First Times, Flowers, Fluff, Freeform, Getting Together, M/M, Memories, Reunion, gratitude, intrapersonal, prompts, what if
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-29
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-03-26 07:57:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3843052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catspajama_llamas/pseuds/catspajama_llamas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a collection of drabbles, mainly from Haru to Rin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. to you

> as you sigh my name,
> 
> I can’t help but think
> 
>                 _finally,_
> 
> as you turn to velvet,
> 
>   your hands to lace,
> 
>        voice pouring the richest wine
> 
> I reel and think back to those times
> 
> how serene
> 
>    you shift
> 
> give me your all
> 
>              _but you always have_
> 
> but this time
> 
>     it changed
> 
> remember when we said our goodbyes
> 
> how you held on
> 
>       I looked away
> 
> you pressed on
> 
>       I waved
> 
>                    _“thank you”_
> 
> you’ll always be
> 
>       I feel
> 
> you utter again
> 
>   _{aphrodisiacal}_
> 
> sweetest nectar,
> 
>      ambrosia
> 
>  I never
> 
> and all I can think
> 
>         all I feel
> 
>                          all I see
> 
>                                         I just want to say
> 
>                                                  thank you


	2. little things

The way he thinks is simple.

_One mackerel, two mackerel, three mackerel.._

It's much like the way he loves.

_Four mackerel, five mackerel.._

It's part of the way Haruka Nanase is, which Rin Matsuoka adores to no end (when he's willing to admit it).

_Six mackerel.._

Because, Rin knows, it's all about the little things Haru does to show his love.

_Seven mackerel.._

So that's why he says nothing and only grins to himself when he hears Haru creeping up on him from the hallway. 

_Eight mackerel.._

"Haruuu... is that you I hear?" 

Rin lightly chuckles, Haru getting nearer to where he sits.

_Nine mackerel.._

Haru finally sneaks up on him, crawling and wrapping himself around the boy as if he were a cat. He rubs his nose against the other's, proceeding to give him a gentle peck on the cheek. Rin responds with an affectionate, hearty laugh, bringing up his hand to the back of Haru's head and gently stroking the hair. Haru gives a little hum of contentment and Rin pulls him onto his lap, their foreheads touching. Haru holds him in a warm embrace, arms loosely wrapped around his neck, a small smile resting on his face.

_..ten mackerel._

Because with Haru, it's all about the little things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5am thoughts from my 3ds..  
> I tried.


	3. honey

It was morning and Haru was up and making his usual saba breakfast, it was going to be a peaceful day, maybe he would go over to Makoto’s for gaming later…his mind was drifting while listening to the soft crackling of the oil in his frying pan when there was a loud knock on the door. Before he could turn off the flame underneath his breakfast, the loud knock had evolved into a rapid attack on his door. “Rin.” He muttered under his breath annoyed, but he felt his heart soar.

Yesterday had been the day they shared their very first kiss.

Haru tried not to look too eager or excited as he walked to the door, doing his best to appear as if he were truly bothered by the disturbance. That couldn’t be further from the truth though, as he felt lightheaded thinking about the previous day, the moment they had shared hidden away from everyone for the briefest of moments. Rin had gestured for him to follow to the secluded side of Iwatobi’s changing room, while everyone else had been splashing around in the pool, having too much fun to notice their disappearance. When they were finally alone, Rin had given him the most beautiful eyes, his expression so lush, his eyelashes so serene as they brushed Haru’s face, their lips parting to meet in the most sweetest, the most purest of ways.

Haru opened the door to allow Rin in, but he felt his falsely annoyed pretenses fall as he took the sight of Rin standing on his doorway in, a bouquet of lilies, hibiscus, carnations and forget-me-nots in his hands, offering Haru a smile that he would never, ever forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear friend Asuka wrote the first two lines, as this was an ask box prompt where someone writes one line, and you finish the next five. We both threw in an extra line, though uwu


	4. red

Sometimes, I wonder what life would have been like,

If I never met you.

I wonder, what would have happened if you hadn't transferred.

I wonder, if nagisa hadn't been there.

I wonder, if there was someone else like me.

I wonder, if I kept my resolve, to never swim in that relay.

Would you have found me anyways?

I wonder, if I had been sick, the day we first saw each other.

I wonder, if we had lived miles and miles from each other.

.

What if I hadn't met you that day?

What would I have done, if it weren't for Makoto pulling me into the swim club in the first place.

And I think,

It would have saved me from exposure.

I think, I wouldn't have known so much pain,

When you left,

When you turned me away.

Maybe I would have been better off, and maybe you would, too.

Do you even know, how much you shine?

I don't think, not for an instant, that there is anyone quite as brilliant as you.

I've never thought, not for a moment, that you would be lost without me.

You are beautiful. You are whole. You are a hurricane.

The rainbow after a storm.

A maelstrom.

 

You, 

Rin, 

Are a miracle.

 

And so I think, what would have happened,

Had we never met.

And I think, 

I wouldn't have woken up. 

I would have been lost, 

I would have been stuck.

I would have been the same as always, and I would have hid.

I never would have known what it is to truly live.

 

But then, I think, 

we did meet,

 

And I know what it means to love, and to be loved.

How one single smile could mean the world,

How to dream,

And how one little boy, how one little race could change my entire life.

 

And then I remember,

We _did_ meet,

And because of you,

Rin,

If we had never met,

I wouldn't know what it is to have a dream, 

 

And I never would have known what it is to truly live.

 

Because of you,

Rin,

I _do_ know what it is to live, 

And what it is to dream,

 

And because of you,

Rin,

I have never been more alive.

 

 

And, Rin, 

I think of what would have happened, if we hadn't met.

And I think, 

Rin,

It was only inevitable that we did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The destined pair.
> 
> tumblr: @shuuchans-spicy-pajimmyjams


	5. maybe.

“Don’t.. Don’t- leave me again,” he says, a whisper into the crook of Rin’s neck amidst the roar of the crowd, feeling Rin’s arms weaken, until they tighten up and Haru feels a tear on his own shoulder, the slight press of Rin’s lips on his own skin. Haru lets a hesitant hand rise, glide against Rin’s back, until he lets it rest near his shoulder blade.

  
“Never,” Rin says, equally as quiet, his voice choked up with emotion. It’s their last moment of solitude, a universe that only holds the both of them before they’re nearly toppled over by the way Makoto, Nagisa and Rei tackle them, their tight embrace being broken apart.

  
Haru shares a look with Rin, their friends’ arms wrapped around them, feeling the warmth of their smiles and the tears they share.

  
It’s quiet, soft, almost shy, Rin’s eyes crinkling in a way Haru hasn’t seen in years and years. Haru lets his feelings spill out of him, his eyes melting and a smile warming across his face.

  
He’s awake, for what seems like the first time in a lifetime.

 

  
……………. . . . .. .

  
Much, much later, when it’s night and he’s wrapped up in his own bed, seconds away from drifting into sleep, Haru remembers. It’s an inane memory, an insignificant one that he barely registers in his fading consciousness.

  
_“So.. Did you miss me?”_

_  
It had only been a few days. Haru bristled with annoyance, feeling the familiar weight of Rin’s arm on his shoulder, his body pressing against Haru’s side. He never quit._

_  
“No.”_

_  
“Aww, Nanase, that’s cold!”_

_  
He meant it. It was finally peaceful at the swim club again without Rin being there. No incessant pestering, no constant jabbering, no annoying arms, no complete disregard for personal space.. And most importantly, no one to take the water’s connection away from him. No one to have to share that with._

_  
“That’s not how you treat someone who was sick, you know,” Rin sniffed indignantly, shutting his eyes and sticking up his nose. Haru rolled his eyes._

_  
“Nanase, I could have DIED. I had a FEVER. What if you never saw me again?”_

_  
It was Haru’s turn to scoff, turning his face to the side that wasn’t totally violated by Rin’s presence._

_  
“You’d miss me then, you know it.”_

_  
“As if.”_

_  
He’d never miss that nuisance._

_  
He could feel Rin staring at him. When would he ever stop.._

_  
With a frustrated noise, Rin finally let go of Haru, marching off to join the line for practicing butterfly strokes._

  
Good, _Haru thought._ Finally..

_  
He realized he was still standing in the corner of the gym, the only person not in, or even next to the pool. He narrowed his eyes, walking toward the pool. How dare Rin Matsuoka distract him from the water. As if he could ever be bothered to care about him, least of all miss him, Haru thought._

_  
The thoughts dissipated once he dove into the pool, breaking the clear surface and letting the water envelope him. The cool embrace of the water took away the heat he still felt from where Rin had pressed against him._

_  
Rin was such an idiot._

 

  
Haru drifts into sleep, his lips curled into a faint smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An ask prompt from a lovely mutual: "rinharu + 'so.. did you miss me?'"
> 
> hOO BOII
> 
> I haven't posted in here IN FOREVER (this is also the first thing I've written since like April orz) and everything I have in here makes me cringe so freaking hard because my past writing was atrocious ashljdgjlasg. I don't want to fix them or delete them though, because it's a testament to how I've improved, you know? It's all about becoming better.. Although I'm sure I could have spent more time editing this one too orz
> 
> THAT BEING SAID, I know this was a short drabble thing (like everything else in this lmao), but if you have any critique, I'd really appreciate it!! It's how I get better at writing and how I can write more things for you :3 
> 
> If you want to leave me a prompt (or even a prompt for klance, tsukikane, narumitsu, or papyton or something!), you can leave one on my tumblr [@shuuchans-crispy-pajimmyjams](http://shuuchans-crispy-pajimmyjams.tumblr.com)! Thank you for reading :3


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